Milk Meditation

Five times a day I express milk.

That means five times a day I spend 20 some minutes slowly down. My morning pump during breakfast is the exception - though slowly eating breakfast isn't arduous but I'm still multi-tasking.

My next three times I lock myself in a closet at work. Seriously. About the closet that is. It has a comfy rocker that hits the sides of the walls, almost. A red lamp I brought to work. A nursing foot rest. A kleenex box propped next to the lamp on the corner shelf so I have space for my iPad. My iPad stands on its side displaying a blue background with a white feather floating. The quote "If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments." (Anne Morrow Lindbergh) hovers above the feather. My breathing slows as the calming monotone music drones out the chatter of the lunch room. I. Breath. Once. Twice. Three. Four. Five times. I feel my neck lengthen. My shoulders creep down my back. I then begin. I wash my hands with a lavender spray. I prepare the bottles, strap on my bra and flanges and start the pump. Eehhh, eeehh moans the pump. Da-la de-da hums the music. Some times the pump struggles. My nipples get stuck or the battery is low. Other times I'm able to simply breath.




The last pump is at the end of the day. I often almost forget and remember as I'm about to get in bed. It adds a half an hour to the end of my day. Precious time of an already full day. Tension and stress are the enemies of expressing milk as they are to most things in life. With breastmilk the physical connection to more stress equals less milk reminds me of my need to be kind to myself. I slow down and watch the milk whistle out or gently hold my head with eyes half closed.

I feel blessed to have time to step away from my demanding day. It reminds me of rhythms. But I find it overwhelming. I need to make enough milk. I have to prepare the pumping bag everyday. I must remember each piece of the process from the bra to the bottles to the caps. When the time comes for me to stop expressing milk I will feel sad. It makes me slow down. Yes I will feel less busy and stressed not having to cramp my day between those sessions. But my baby and my need to express milk create such a tangible space that I am more aware of my body. The physical space to breath and stretch my arms warmly embraces me. My glowing red lamp welcomes me. I surrender to the noise of my pump and the chaos and beauty of life. Maybe that's the trick. Let the chaos and beauty embrace you.

To chaos, beauty and imperfection.

Baby weight lifting

Inspired by my dear sister Ann, I've started to see my lunch time breastfeeding my baby as an opportunity to be active.

One - holding and manuvering my long heavy 5 month old has given me killer forearms and has improved my agility.

Two - who says it has to be all fun and games? Well maybe it does. After feeding my little bug, I lifted him above my head for 3 sets of 10 reps. I have never had a more giggly happy 17lbs in my hands!

Three - stretching my opposite shoulder from the side I'm breastfeeding. My massage therapist recommended this and I struggle to remember to do it. Maybe if I see my whole time breastfeeding I'll remember to do this.

I've continued to stretch at night especially my shoulders. The nightly routine helps but some evenings are so hard to do even a one minute stretch when I feel exhausted.

Ok. Here are some pics from lunch. Sadly no one was there to take a pic of me lifting the little bug. But cutes babies and spoons are fun. :)

Sightings continuing

As promised, I continue to be on the lookout for unexpected exercise opportunities:

• Hanging up my clothes this morning in the Williams' back yard. They have a clothesline strung from their house to a tree against the fence. In the middle of the line, I stuck a pole to hold up the weight of my wet clothes.
• Putting bikes in the back of Cliff's car. Yes we did go biking along the Michigan lake front. But the process to transport the bikes themselves was a puzzling exercise that involved tugging handlebars and disconnecting front wheels.
• Grocery shopping with Linda. We visited three stores. I pushed around a cart, carried a basket, and carried out the groceries. Plus the walking and intense perusal of the facial product aisle in Whole Foods.
• A jaunt to the Art Institute. I took the metra in with Cliff, Tim and his girlfriend Lizzie to admire Lichenstein's litographs. We also clambered through the lion's legs to get a picture of us all under its belly.

Also, back to the more conventional:

• Linda invited me to join her Monday night yoga class. I borrowed a mat from the instructor. This amazing thick mat the was incredibly grippy. She focused on shoulders but did a lot of training on forward folds which increased my awareness of my lower back and hip flexor exercise. We also did enough lunges and squats to get my legs shaking and my breathe hard.
• Biking! Cliff and I biked a leisurely 15 miles along the Lake Front. We stopped to play chess, eat lunch, visit new friends at a taco stand, and then more chess and a clamber over boulders.
• Nike Training Club continues to keep me company. This time I braved it in the William's back yard. I missed my medicine ball and weights but found the exercises challenging in different ways -- I need more fine tuned control. Also, the uneven ground made the burpees and froggers more unusual.

New Mexico Run

While in New Mexico this past weekend I was able to take a lovely run. Here are some pictures from the park where I ran.




I ran about 30 mins and it was good! But I am sad to report that my left knee and leg are acting up again so the rest of the week I wont be running. I hope to rest up in order to run at least once while I am in Wisconsin.






After my run I took some time to enjoy the nature and saw a couple cool things.
One of them was this road runner that got surprisingly close to me!




It is hard to see, but if you look close enough you can see a little blue dot and it was a dragon fly! And, if you look even closer you can see that its mating-haha

Running with a bike

I went for a run this morning. Cliff kept me company with his bike. His presence was welcomed as the challenge of keeping up with his bike helped me pace myself harder while also enjoying the dirt trail through the woods. We went for a total of three miles in thirty minutes.

A habanero, a cayenne and 16 tomatoes

Today i gardened - hard and long. I felt so strong and alive.

This year i had dozens of volunteer tomato plants. So instead of the original 6 plants now i have 16 and counting. (i still have others looking for a home. I hate "thinning" aka killing starts) i filled ten black pots with soil and transplanted my volunteer tomatoes.

I also hoed out grass and planted borage to attract bees to my garden.

Oh and of course i planted my hot peppers!

Gardening may be my new favorite way to exercise.

A Bike Ride & Some Yoga

Cliff found me a bike from the Firestone's so we could go biking yesterday. We went on our first excursion yesterday: over the train tracks, past Deerfield school, and into a forest preserve. Cliff had a tumble right when we got into the wooded area and scrapped up his left knee badly. He spent some time pouring water on his knee to clean off the dirt.

The forest preserve -- Prairie Wolf Preserve -- is small with dirt loops that go through a forest, past a large pond and around marshland. Narrow wood bridges pass over small creeks.

We stopped a few times to collect a sample of wanna-be queen anne's lace, gawk at a racoon hidden under a pine tree, and pick some wild blackberries along the side of the trail. We then went adventuring beyond the preserve to find Keller's Nature Park and flagrantly broke the rules by riding on the dirt trails. A branch tepee provided repose for awhile -- we sat in it and told favorite stories of childhood while an orange spider climbed on Cliff's fingers and knee. We then explored the trails and happened upon a senior center and Chicago institue of music. One our return we stopped for a small grey-black snake crossing the trail.


Back at the house, I asked to borrow Linda's yoga mat (her mat had the words: Harmony, Joy, & Insight!) and did a session of Darren Rode's Hour of power. I felt like my shoulders crept up to the top of my ears throughout the week, so this was a necessity. I felt slow and clunky but enjoyed the sturdiness of a wood floor and the strength of my legs in lunges. Also I am beginning to feel the details of my hips more and how the bend and stretch.

The recumbent Bike

I am very grateful for the recumbent bike. During these time when my knee is only so so it still gives me a decent work out.

Since Tuesday when my knee 'popped' it has been a little stiff so yesterday I went to the gym and tested running for one minute. It was too much so I moved over to the recumbent bike and had an intense 45 min ride!

One thing I find unsatisfying about the recumbent bike is the calorie count. I feel as though I am working so hard but the calorie count does not go up nearly as fast as when I run or am on the elliptical. So I tell myself it is inaccurate, which is likely true of all of the machines, and I feel a little better. Really though, it is an obsessive thing that I have to try and keep in check. I get logged into that mentality that more is better when really (as Sabrina said in Sabrina) "more isn't always better, sometimes its just more."

Post workout my legs were quite tired- it really gives you an awesome leg workout! So I did do some squats and wall sits (inspired by Joy) but nothing with the smith machine. I used one of those balance balls, put it behind my back and with a 6lb medicine ball I squatted. I alternated this with wall sits while holding the medicine ball between my legs.

Today my knee is still a little stiff/sore which does bum me out because I was hoping to run this weekend in New Mexico but perhaps by Sunday it will be feeling better! We shall see!

Pop! Goes my knee..

Yesterday I finally made it back into the gym after what felt like forever (even though it was only three days). Ever since Friday I have felt so tired and haven't been sleeping the best so by the time I finished work I was way too exhausted to run. Since yesterday was my first day off I got plenty of sleep and made it to the gym!

My workout was ok...I was still tired. My body needs more than one nights good rest to recover from multiple nights of not sleeping well so it was still tired, but I am pleased to announce that I ran a 5k! The run itself was rather tough. I did have to stop once to stretch out my legs/knee and the cardio part was very tough! I suspect that all had to do with my being tired.

After my run I made sure to do squats. I like how I feel after I do them and I truly believe they have been making a difference. I did 1 set of ten reps at 65lbs which felt a little too hard for how tired I was so I lowered it to 45lbs for do sets of ten reps.
After that I was simply bending over to grab my water bottle and hurt a little 'pop/crack' noise just under my patella...naturally this really stressed me out! My knee even started to feel a little stiff.

I went and did my stretches and did even more on the foam roller when I got home followed by icing. I am happy to report that it appears to have been something minor. I am actually icing my knee this morning because it does seem a little iffy but otherwise fine.

Here's to hopefully being able to run Tuesday (the next day I had in mind to run) and once while I'm in New Mexico this weekend!

Lunges on Grass&Stone

I found a place for a Nike Training session! Yesterday, while Dr. Mendoza went grocery shopping, I used her back yard with grass and stone patio for the body flexor work out. She gave me some hand weights that I could use for lunges, shoulder press, and balance exercises.

The Russian twists seemed easy at first without the medicine ball. I sat on a groove in the grass but then my lower back started to work hard as I was rotating faster. I did some leg lifts while doing modified plank that became excruciating. I enjoyed the switch from the grass beneath my feet to the flat stone while doing the side jumps.

All in all I feel satisfied to find some time to continue doing my workouts, even if all slightly modified.

More sightings

A few days into my trip and I have more unexpected exercise opportunities:

• Watering flowers with Linda. I watered pansies and other potted plants with a watering can.
• Decorating for Mel's party. I carried around a ladder and climbed up it multiple times to hang streamers on tree branches. I also brought out chairs from the garage to the back yard.
• Preparing for a dinner party at Dr. Mendoza' house. She and I carried out a slab of granite to use as a table top on two ceramic pillars.

Then the more conventional:

I ran a few miles to the nearby forest perserve. I made it to some horse stables (think manure smell) and then ran back. My legs felt sluggish, my left foot sore, and I was somewhat light-headed from a glass of white wine. Yet I ran the full length and got the tingly leg sensation at the end.

Dear Treadmill, I love you and I hate you

ok ok so maybe hate is a bit strong but still. There are few things more frustrating than being in the last minute of your run, your legs feel strong, your blood is pumping and you are finishing the last stretch strong with a sprint and then....CLICK! You accidentally pull that stupid emergency cord and the whole damn treadmill resets. That is something I don't understand. If it has to turn off why can't it simply pause and save your settings? I bet your that 98% of the time that those things are pulled are on accident - do the designers of these treadmills not actually run?

Anyhow, that is my rant on treadmills. As you can probably guess, this happened to me just a little while ago (yesterday in fact). I was sprinting my last min and 30 seconds left I pulled that stupid cord. *sigh*. On the positive end, my run was fantastic!! I am SO excited to have run three time within this past week and for my knee to feel great! I have to credit that in part to my taking up squatting. Maybe it is coincidence but it seems that after I started to squat my runs felt better. That is why I love treadmills. They have allowed me to continue pursuing something I absolutely LOVE when otherwise I am not sure I could. That may sound dramatic but the lower level of impact on my body when I run on treadmills is noticeable. Hopefully as I build up strength I will be able to do more outside runs. For example; when I am up in Merrill at the end of this month I hope to be able to run outside at least once!

On another note, because I popular demand I am posting some pictures of my gym in the post. There aren't a lot as I felt a little self conscious about taking pictures but here are some!

Traveling

Although I am looking forward to my month away seeing family and friends, I am also anxious about my exercise and meditation routinue. Over these past months I began working out regularly again and to the point that I feel satisfied about my effort.

Now I face being away from my room with its weights, medicine ball, yoga mat, and jump rope. I will also be away from my running trails and meditation cushion. I find myself becoming anxious about whether I will have enough space to do my Nike Training Club workout or if it will be the same without the weights. Will I be able to continue to improve my strength and balance? What about meditating -- will I have a space and time to do that? Will my back be okay without a cushion? Where will I run? How will I know the distance? All things that I can figure out but that became so automatic here as to be effortless.

With the anxiety comes enjoyment over novelty. I thought I would share some sightings around exercise in unexpected places.

First sighting:

• Yoga room in San Francisco Airport! The room is after the security checkpoint in terminal two. I picked my head in -- it's about half the size of a regular studio, has mirrors on one wall, and straw/bamboo mat along the mirror. A women was sitting crosslegged inside and looking intently at her phone. The sign on the outside said no food/drink or mobile devices, so I inwardly "tsked tsked" and went on to find my gate.

More sightings to come . . .

Before work

Just a quick post before work. I am sitting her sipping my teeccino/coffee blend. Today is like a Monday for me because I haven't worked since Monday. I needed a little extra pick me up with the coffee. Anyhow, yesterday I got myself to the gym even though I was feeling quite tired. I needed a little umph to make it through the rest of my day. I was on the elliptical for about 40 mins and then convinced myself to do squats! I did very little weight because I was tired but I still did it! That is what I have to tell myself sometimes. Something is better than nothing! :-D

Today I work at Classic Findz until four and then I agreed to cover someones shift at Breakout at 5:30. If I have the energy I'm gonna try and squeeze in a short run after work.

Wish me luck!!

My Nike Workout Today

This workout is what I did this morning.

Hardest exercise: Tuck Jumps.
Favorite exercise: Recover. : P

3 mile run!

I ran three miles today near my house. My left ankle felt sturdier and my legs strong!

When I am not excercising

There's a lot to life outside of my yoga, runs, Nike workouts and occassional bike rides. A good deal of it I spend thinking about what I feel I should be doing and instead doing something else. For example, I have a detailed schedule of each day that involves meditation, writing, running, classes, commute, studying, and practicing guitar. In any one day, I follow a portion of it but not all of it. That leaves me feeling guilty when I watched three episodes of Voyager instead of writing my case formulation or practicing guitar. Or when I hit the snooze button for an hour (or longer) instead of getting up to write.

I am not sure what to do about it. Or if there is anything to do. But hardly do I feel like I did enough, worked hard enough, read enough, ran enough, yoga-ed enough, or practiced guitar enough.

Sunday run

Finally I ran again.

After a grumpy day on saturday due in part to not being active I got out sunday morning for a 3 mile-ish run. The weather was cool, cloudy and in the 60s. I felt strong during most of it and let myself jump up to touch leaves as i ran. By the last stretch i tired and couldnt do my full out sprint but still kicked it up a notch for the last couple yards.

My hope and plan is to run friday and sunday ams. Its tough because my week is so full that i want to sleep in friday am but i do feel better if i run. I'd also like to start a pilates or yoga class tuesday night. It might not work between work and baby but maybe.

Here's to moving with strength and gentleness for myself.

Owies

Blisters and bruises . . . oh my!

One of the reasons I got new vibrams was my right toe was getting the brunt of the workout when going downhill (see picture). And my right toe vibram also had a hole in it. So I was excited to get my new pair, sans hole, with new and improved tread.

Now happily my right toe does not suffer as much (although I am suspicous that the bruise might be moving more to the center bottom of my toe instead of going away). I thought: "check, problem solved." Then I noticed a rubbing on my left foot while going downhill. AHH! So frustrating. Although the wound is not as noticeable, I despair at times getting my stride flowing again, especially when I feel the rubbing. So now I am left contemplating whether it is a matter of improving my balance or if it's a matter of shoe design . . .

A Couple Things I've learned about running and treadmills

This morning I woke up feeling somewhat rested but, due to not sleeping so well quite a few nights this week, I just felt rather sluggish and the kind of weird headache I get when I am tired. Since yesterday I was very exhausted after work, my plans to go to the gym were scrapped, along with my hip hop class, therefore, I was fairly determined to go toady and I am SO glad I did! Below are a couple lessons I have learned about running and treadmills that I employed today.

Warm up: I have learned that warming up is, in fact, my friend and not just some annoying time waster keeping me from getting into the good part (the actual run). I have noticed when I ease my way into work outs that I tend to get less headaches and my body 'flows' better (the feeling you get when your blood is moving though your veins and everything in your body is on the same page). Also, I feel less jolted. Seeing as today I felt rather iffy, I did a 5 min walking warm up and ran the last minute at 5.5 and then 6.0 (11 min mile and 10 min mile respectively). This warm up allowed me to check in with my body and see where it was at (because up till that point I thought it was just tired- no more, no less). During and after warming up I could already tell I was feeling good AND it helped me gauge how my knee was doing.
The treadmills at Chuze (sorry Ann I haven't gotten any pictures yet I forget!) allow you to select a 5K run which I selected. I am ecstatic to report that my knee felt FANTASTIC. The best it has felt since I hurt it actually (ooo dare I say that??). I even was running at a steady 11 min mile (keeping the treadmill at 5.5 and higher while only occasionally hitting the 6.0). I also kept the 5k run at the lowest level while manually adjusting the incline.

Incline/Levels That brings me to one more thing I have learned about running (specifically on treadmills). I remember when I first started running on treadmills about 3 or 4 years ago. I'd jack up the speed as much as I could handle and would try to run at at least level 4 (the incline would read sometimes to 4%). I remember getting towards the end of my runs and my legs felt SO heavy and in reality, the treadmill was probably doing most of the work. I do think this lead to over training and abuse on my body (perhaps one of many factors that go into my knee injury) In light of this, I have promised to be more conscious about my treadmill runs and not put the level very high just because I want to show off (or compete with my treadmill neighbor). Thus today the highest my incline got was 2% and that was only twice. Otherwise I hovered between 0 - 1.0%.

I ran a total of 4.6 kilometres, around 2.8 miles and then told myself I need to walk the remainder (another lesson learned; when you're tired, you're tired - don't over do it just to see that exact number pop up on the screen). Felt FANTASTIC!