You Inspired Me

Yesterday, you two inspired me.

I've been really tired the past week and a half. Last week I was pmsing and then Saturday my period started and with that I haven't been sleeping well for about a week now. So yesterday I went into work and was SO tired I was scared I was going to make a really horrible mistake (like poke myself with a needle or drive off the road). Thus, I decided to leave at 8am and go home and rest.

I was able to nap some...but even after my nap I felt SO tired and tried napping a second time a bit later, to no avail. I ended up coming out to the living room and reading both of your blogs and felt so inspired. I brought up my YogaGlo account and found a session on 'binding' poses with a shoulder and hip opening component. Although it was a very interrupted session (trying to set up handing in our applications for a house we saw on Sunday so calling the real estate agent, talking to Eugene) and I didn't even finish it (had probably 15 mins left)- it felt so good to get moving. Unfortunately, the hard thing for me (other than being tired) is that my hip is still very tentative, but none of the poses seemed to aggravate it and in fact really warmed me up. Sometimes it is hard for me to tell when movement is best for my hip and when rest is best.

Today, after a good nights rest, I can feel the benefits of that practice. I also feel the benefits of calling into work and getting that good nights rest my body so desperately needed. Why is it so hard to do something like call into work (when you're not puking your guts out)because you simply need rest and to take care of yourself? I think for me its a mixture of guilt (don't want to leave my co-workers stranded) and also anxiety about that people will think of me.

Regardless, I'm VERY grateful to have today. Perhaps today I will do a little more yoga :-) I've already given myself a nice face mask. Wish you could join!

Thanks again for the inspiration my dears! This blog is such a help in keeping me motivated, but also keeping me connected to you both.

*hugs*

Crazy downward dog life

Life has been overwhelming. Super full with innumerable transitions. Yesterday I found out I had a new job after a week of painful waiting. Today we bought a car. Tomorrow we celebrate Tian turning one with our neighbors. And so on.

This sisters' blog helps me settle in the evening and reminds me there is life outside my busy life. It reminds me my life can have more of a rhythm in the near future. It encourages me to do small activities that build up into a lifestyle of movement.

I play chase with my son as I crawl after him in the kitchen.

I push Tian around in his cart and call it my cardio for the day.

I look up as I pick up my twenty pound bugaboo and think core, not back. Then put him down as he squirms out of my arms. Then up again. It's my strength training.

At night I stretch and do downward dog to plank and finish with a one minute plank to collapse in exhaustion. Some nights that is. Others I mop on the couch or fall into bed.

Its my downward dog crazy life. It'd rather have more yoga than crazy but I'm living with both now.

Hopefully my gradual transformation blossums into more internal space to breathe. Breathe with all kindness to myself allowing me to pick gentleness and fun.

Falling in love (again)

Exercise and I had a long dry spell. Exercise was often guilt-inspired or resulted in disappointment in my reduced performance. A common occurence was me going for a run grumbling most of the time of how much further and faster I used to run. Or doing yoga and swearing I was less flexible than the previous session.

Slowly I am looking forward to exercise all over again. Like today I had a yoga session where my whole body felt rubbery and relaxed at the end. Later on I went for a run and my left ankle felt surer, my stride springier, and two miles did not feel like a death sentence. Plus I am fantasizing about my next NTC workout and how buff I am going to get.

So what brought about this gradual transformation? (And dear god will it stay?)

I composed a list of ten possible influences:

1. Damned persistence. I have a spreadsheet of my weekly schedule that includes exercise. I highlight the run/yoga session/NTC workout when (if) I complete it that day. Trust me, there are a lot of un-highlighted ones. Yet having those times scheduled and the reward of highlighting kept me going multiple times.

2. Easing up. Thanks to both of you I stumbled across that notion that I don't have to do all out every time I work out. This concept resulted in me slowing down some and noticing to finer points of posture, form, and, perhaps, even the scenery?

3. Enjoying myself. I noticed last summer in Chicago that some runners looked absolutely miserable. I thought, "hell, if I am going to run I am going to enjoy it." Although I can't always stick with that commitment, I try to remind myself of it when I am getting particularly grim (think gritting teeth).

4. Paleo diet. Now that I am on the paleo diet for almost a month the nutrition (think not sugar) is likely helping my body recover and care for myself as well as sustain more intensity.

5. Options. Moving to Martinez means that every run does not have to include a steep decline/incline. Sure I can do hills but I can also run along a street or downtown area or by the water. Places where I feel less need to amp up on the energy. I have a gym treadmill at when it is dark out. Also I have three different versions of yoga hour of power and a multitude of NTC workouts.

6. Vanity. Yes sometimes it comes down to wanting to look good or try to look my best. Question: is a yoga body ever obtainable?

7. Others. Knowing that others around me are exercising gets me in the mood. Like my colleague who just ran a marathon or a friend that does crossfit. Or sisters that exercise.

8. Meditation. All of a sudden while trying to do a downward dog lunge, I heard my disatisfied grumbling around lack of improvement. Then I started to listen to my dialogue, while still yoga-ing. Gradually I was able to feel a little friendly toward my discontent while trying out warrior pose 3.

9. Identity. Sometime in Arizona part of my identity became that of a runner. I wasn't ready to give up on that yet.

10. Sister's blog. This place gives me a spot to reflect and share about my experience in exercising. And also makes it so I want to have something to blog about!

Keep it up!

There are moments when exercise seems glorious -- like when I go out for a run and feel like I am flying. Or when I am doing a yoga pose and suddenly melt into it. Or when I punch a bag until my muscles feel exhuasted.

Other times exercise feels blah.

Now I am not a fan of exercising all the time if it is miserable. I am a supporter of joy in every area of life. But at times I find exercise is worthwhile even when I feel uninspired. Like today I did not have an inspirational yoga hour of power. It was more a yoga hour of sour. I found myself distracted, irritated at my lack of progress in many poses, and missing a lot of dear Darrell's instruction. I finish and my body feels good but it wasn't anything to write home about.

Or maybe it was.

I know such feelings have been expressed before. For me, the heroic is in keeping on when the inspiration wears off. I thoroughly enjoy those moments of gusto and enthusiasm but now I treasure (ok maybe that is too strong a word) . . . give a respectful bow to? . . . those moments of drudgery. And those moments when I, too, am a lot less then inspiring. Such a relief in some way!

So here's to those moments of boredom that give way to new possibilities. And, hey, maybe it's ok not to try my absolute hardest in every exercise endeavour.

Reflections post a long-desired trip

One week since my last full day in Oaxaca. Since Eugene, Ann, and I spent the night downtown on the rooftop of a restaurant by Santo Domingo with Tammi and Nash. It is hard to believe that something so long awaited as my visit back to Oaxaca feels like a dream. I think that is what I find most difficult about visits home and being so far away from home. At least that is what I have found in the past to be the hardest. That changed this time. This time that was only part.

I never considered that, after spending three years away, I would return to Oaxaca and feel so distant. The place that use to feel just right, so familiar, felt like something I was watching through binoculars.

I know that usually when I return home it takes me about a week to re-adjust to being there. I have to remember to put the toilet paper in the waste basket, not the toilet, not to drink the tap water, and to get use to being whistled at/cat called frequently. Interestingly enough, those things weren't nearly as prominent this visit.

Perhaps it was the busy-ness of the time there, or the fact that Eugene came along, or the fact that we were in a different neighborhood and not even in the house with the parents, whatever it was- I remained in something of a dream-like state the entire visit.

But what I found most surprising was that I would find myself thinking about Tucson a lot. At first it was more stress of having to return to a crazy schedule but then it turned into an actual missing, a longing, to be back in Tucson. Something hard for me to admit and to actually recognize because Oaxaca is home, isn't it? While I'm here I shouldn't be missing somewhere else.

I started to come to terms with that, as much as I love Oaxaca, it is becoming more of my past. Not that I won't always want to return there, for I could never not love Oaxaca. And not that I don't still miss it and will frequently long for its streets, smells, and tastes. But rather, as I have changed and moved on in life, such has my relationship with the place I used to call home. It is difficult for me to describe exactly what this change is, all I know is that it is somewhat uncomfortable and I feel rather resistant to the change.

Only time will tell what this change will bring. I feel hopeful though. Part of me is saddened but another part of me feels freed to not feel quite so tied to Oaxaca.

I'm curious as to what your feelings/reflections of your time in Oaxaca!